Rights and responsibilities

I talked to A again today.
I'm at the point emotionally where I feel like making up with him is the lesser of two evils- the greater one being having major issues with 2 of my 3 men, and the 3rd being too far away to lean on as I'd need and having too much on his own plate.

I'm still angry. Still hurt and betrayed. But I'm trying to get past it enough to talk to him because I can't afford to isolate myself right now, even for long-term good.

It's gotten me thinking, though. Where does one's responsibility to their submissive begin and end?
I tend to take the overly repsonsible route, I know that.
My ex-girlfriend, who subbed to me a bit and is still a good friend, is newly single and it's been really messing with her self-esteem. So she's been talking to me a lot, and I feel a responsbility to be there for her even when I don't feel like it. Even when I'm tired and cranky, I feel a responsibility to talk to her and reassure her.
My femsub- yes, the straight, 'nilla one- is extremely needy. It drives me nuts. I hate it. But when she's honestly having trouble, even when I'm in the middle of my deepest, darkest, "everyone fucking leave me alone" depression, I feel a responsibility to talk to her and help her.
It's the same with Kat, although less extreme because he's, well, less needy. An example would be at DragonCon- we had both had an incredibly difficult day, and things just kept going downhill. And both our stress levels just built, and built, and built until he finally burst out that he was so sorry that all of this was going on, and it was his fault, etc etc.
And all of my irritation just drained away, and was replaced with a warm affection for him. I made him come to me, and I put my arms around him and told him that I was rather pleased that all of this had happened because we wouldn't have much time together at D*C and I was glad that circumstances had forced this time together.

And yet, A decided about a month ago, maybe as much as 6 weeks now, that he was in a 'vanilla mode' and 'probably wouldn't be there long' but during that time he had absolutely no interest in anything kink-related and didn't want to even discuss submission with me.
In other words, he had no intention of meeting my needs- or for a few weeks there, even talking to me- despite knowing that getting badly out of balance has really nasty effects on my emotional stability.

Where does my responsibility as a dominant begin and end?
When I'm depressed and hurting myself, do I still have a responsibility to meet my submissives' needs?
Where does A's to me begin and end?
When he is in a mode that all things kink are uninteresting to him, does he still have a responsibility to help me meet my needs for submission?

I told Kat once that he as my submissive has a responsibility to me to tell me what his needs are- I'm not psychic, ok?- and that I have a responsibility to meet those needs. And if I can't meet those needs for some reason, then I have a responsibility to help him find another way to meet them.
Am I just overly obsessed with this concept?

Your thoughts, please?