23 January 2014

My Mate is dead.
My Rush is gone.

This is why I haven't written in so long.

I will write again at some point, but I don't know when, exactly.

13 September 2013

Sorry guys, I know I haven't written lately. Things have been.... rough.

I will again soon. I promise.

Things will get better.

I won't give them any other choice.

12 September 2013

05 September 2013

29 August 2013

21 August 2013

Snippets of a dream

My kitchen, in the house in my head.
You on your knees. My hand on your chest, shoving with words and grief and the sheer power of my fury.

Your arms around my waist, restraining me, forcing my hands to stillness. My fierce almost sobbing breaths against you.

Biting kisses, still as much anger as love. Your hands on my face, my fingers digging into your shoulders.

Pressing you into the table, leaning into you and forcing your body bent back with the sheer force of my desire.

On your back, on my table, golden wood and paler gold skin. My body atop yours, cream and curves and heated slickness.

Riding you, breasts bouncing. Your hands reaching to them, my hands slapping yours away, taking you, using you for my own pleasure and watching your face a study in pleasure and agonizing need as I shake and tremble and cum above you.

19 August 2013

Sometimes it hurts.

Recently, I made the decision to break things off with someone I was walking a dangerous line with.
It was a mutual decision, because he couldn't give what I needed, and I wasn't willing to let myself grow gradually more and more resentful of not getting my needs met.
I wasn't willing to harm his current relationship, and he wasn't willing to harm mine.
So we walked away.

It was the right thing to do.
The grown-up thing to do.
The ethical thing to do.

And that doesn't make it hurt a damned bit less, any time I let myself think too hard about it.

Kink After Kids

A few random thoughts on kink post-kids:


  • They're amazing at finding bruises with pointy little knees and elbows
  • Gags are useful when your only set of eyebolts is 10' from the toddler's bedroom door
  • Toddlers are terrifyingly handy with a short singletail. Mine has managed to catch me across the face with it twice... AFTER my attempts at hiding it in the closet failed miserably.
  • Fetish parties don't happen anymore, unless you have a spare $60 for babysitting on top of the cost of going to the party
  • It's amazing how much that can make me miss my community
  • The 19mos old is the biggest sadist in the household
  • On the previous note, kinkiness is clearly genetic. Ours has never seen us play, and yet takes canes, whips, or whatever else he can find (his current favorite is Mommy's dressage whip, which she can't seem to hide well enough) and beats the dog (surprisingly lightly, since I have seen him swing that sucker hard enough it'd have left welts), then set aside the whip and start petting her. 

I seriously wish I were kidding about all of these things. 

15 August 2013

Courtesy of Rush HNT

I don't normally do groin shots, but Rush took this the other night and suggested that I use it.

02 August 2013

Madness

There's nothing sexy about my mood today, nothing sexual. I am worn to the bone and so on edge I could cut with a look.
I don't want to play today, don't want to toy with you and enjoy your pretty reactions. I don't want sex, or the taste of your cock on my lips.
Not today.

Today I want blood, and I want the sweet knowledge of pain, and injury.
I want the wet snap of bone and the sharp hiss of the razor, the gentle burble of blood.

I want a body hanging like a side of beef from a hook, the cool darkness and the weight of the blade in my hand. I want to take out this rage on innocent flesh and feel it give beneath my hand. I want the uncontrolled swing of fury, lodging deep in muscle and bone. I want the spurt of blood as it gives, the flow of life from a body spasming in pain and fear and rage. I want the walls spattered with beautiful ruby designs painted by a swinging arc of shining steel.
I want the deep primal screams which only terror give, the scream that means you know that your death is not coming, but here in the room beside you.
I want the shuddering cry as the last trickles of life flow from your throat to the floor.

01 August 2013

25 July 2013

23 July 2013

Old Memory


Heart racing as you approach, sound of you, sight, and scent in that order.
Knees going weak like they always do the moment you touch me.
Your hands on my arms, fingers twisting in my hair and my breath coming in short, fast pants.

Turning me roughly, pressing me down, confusion and trying to respond but not sure what you want.
Hands hitting the wall, yours gripping my hip and pulling me out to you. Whining moan of anticipation as I realize what you intend.
Your zipper echoes, or maybe that's only in my head. It's taking everything I have not to press back into you, to plead to feel you.

...and then there you are, then you are inside me, filling me, toolongtoothicktoomuch and it doesn't matter because every part of me wants you more than any response from my body can convey and I am whimpering, pleading incoherently and you are dragging me up by the hair, warning me again, "Hush," and I can't not obey but I don't know how to be quiet right now, don't know how not to scream with you inside of me but I know that I can't, know that I have to be quiet and the inside of my head is screaming incoherently in need and pleasure and desire.

Suddenly, abruptly, you are gone and I am whimpering in loss without conscious thought of it, confusion and need and something almost like grief until you force me back around, pressing me to my knees and whisper roughly to clean you up.
My lips are eager, hungry, and almost immediately I am swallowing you, choking and pressing myself further onto you, taking in every inch before I draw back and suck every bit of the taste of me from your cock. I want to continue, want to taste your satisfaction on my tongue, but you are pulling me up, turning me again and I am confused and whimpering and hungry for you but in this space I am almost unable to argue or to disobey so I stand, turn, bend back over and am rewarded by your hungry mouth against my pussy, dragging another moan from my throat that I stifle only at the very last moment. I cannot stop the whimpering, though, and I know you will be angry but I can't stay completely silent in the face of the heat of your tongue against my clit and your teeth against my labia.

Abruptly, you pull away from me, an it takes every ounce of strength I have to keep from falling to your feet and begging you never to stop.

Waking Dream


Pinch me
Is this real
This feeling of release
I’m floating in your heaven
In the corners of my dreams

Tasting life
Numb again
Close my eyes
It begins…

I cannot stumble here
I am safe inside my head
When I wake up Ill forget
I’ll come back to my mess

I will not leave
Stay asleep
Slip further in
My ecstasy

Safe inside my mind I hide…

-Natalie Walker

18 July 2013

I don't even have the words for how amazing my husband is:

Hand in hand we stand. A life to live,a family to build and a friend to cherish, together, in support and compassion. So take my hand, My Love and look out on our future. Catch me when I stumble, wipe away my tears and be my shield as I will for you. You smile and I know I've been offered my dreams, that sparkle in your eyes assures me of the joy at hand and your soft touch calms the beast within. So take my hand, My love and dance to the music of our lives!
You inhabit the landscape of my heart, painting the rising and setting sun with your passion. You encourage the green things to grow and the wild things to play. The breeze sighs your name as it caresses the land. You live within me and I am grateful for that!

17 July 2013

Yes

It has been too long, beloved, since I have tasted your submission on my lips.
It has been too long since your eyes have darted from mine, shy and downcast.
It has been too long since you have bitten your lip, your voice an aroused, embarrassed whisper: "Yes, Ma'am".

Your body stretched across mine, across my lap with your hands in the small of your back, wringing nervously but your cock warm and half-hard trapped between my thighs. My hands rubbing your rounded ass, teasing you while tiny whimpers and moans escape your lips and your hips move against me whenever you can't quite help it. The first blow- not too hard but your jerk and low moan are symphonic as I'm getting steadily more aroused against you. The next, harder, and the next. Backing off a little, rubbing and teasing and stroking your perineum until your wriggle and shiver before another flurry of spanks. Your ass reddening against me, heating up, your sounds becoming more anguished and yet your body relaxing against me, submitting to my hands to my touch, to my will.
You have no idea how beautiful that you are right now, no idea how much I want you just yet.

It is later, and the toys are set aside, the bed cleaned off, and you have licked the cum from your fingers with embarrassed, pleased eyes and hidden your face against me.
It is later and you are still sticky against your belly and the ache in my cunt is threatening to turn to pain as I lie back, beckoning your face between my legs, dragging your head where I want you, placing you against my engorged and throbbing clit.
Your eager obedience thrills me, as always. The avid hunger with which you approach me, tempered with the strength of your desire to please me and slowing you down to approach as I prefer. The kisses up my thighs, cheeks pressed firmly against the ticklish skin, heated breath against the hyper-sensitive flesh until I am moaning in wanton desire. Quick flick of your tongue, teasing and hungry as you taste my arousal, taste the soaking proof of my desire for you. Your groan louder than my own moan as you press into me, licking and sucking and kissing and teasing my clit with flicks of your tongue and gentle touches of your lips.
Your tongue sliding between my engorged lips, pressing deeply into me, circling my lips until my fingers curl around your neck and press you into me in clear demand.
Your lips against my clit, your tongue circling me until I am moaning and arching into you and it isn't going to take much longer, my love, before......

Yes.

Yes, this.

Your face pressed between my legs, your tender submission in my hands, your head resting on my thigh in complete surrender as I shake and moan against you, riding waves of pleasure and need and love and desire.

Yes, my love.

Yes, this.

12 July 2013

05 July 2013

02 July 2013

Ease

Helplessness. Fear. The pain of watching someone you love in pain.

Close your eyes. Step away from Here, step into There.
I Myself, Spirit in Flesh, Speak.

Sunshine on my back, breeze across your face. Grass beneath my legs and I am seated now, with your head in my lap. You're speaking softly, but the words are indecipherable. It doesn't matter though, they the words are irrelevant. This is the slow drain of poison from a wound, voice and air to pain long-left hidden. I do not need to bear witness to the words themselves, but only to the pain they come from as they hit the air and pop like soap-bubbles blown from the hand of a child.
My hands gentle across your face, stroking your head, running tender fingers across your cheeks, tracing the curve of your eyebrows and the quirk of your lips. Exploring the whorl of your ear and the line of your jaw; wordless comfort, silent acceptance, unspoken promise.

Slowly, slowly the words fade, the toxin tapers off, the wounds are cleansed and can heal. You can heal. My lips soft against your forehead in a last caress before your eyes open free of pain again.

01 July 2013

Not so much

The last week has been really, really unpleasant, so no pretties here to post.

Sorry, my loves, I'll try to have sexier week going forward, but given that there's a 15 year old crashing at my house.... yeah. Curbs the fun a bit.

Meanwhile, wanna see something totally unpleasant about rape?

Strangers don't commit rape- friends, dates, and lovers do- and many of them will admit it, as long as they don't have to use the R word.

27 June 2013

Replacement shower HNT



Prayer

I've shut off, shut down. I can't feel you anymore.

I've prayed on my knees to the Goddess in in my heart and in my head and in the Moon at night.
Her voice, it whispered in my ear that I am stronger than this, and I am stronger than I know.

I closed my eyes and leaked bitter tears but held my own in the struggle to stay aloft.

I have walked away a hundred times and cried a thousand more, but this time, this time it is different like every other time and I will pray not only for my own strength but for yours.
I will pray for your peace, and for your joy, and for the love you deserve.

My hands will trace ritual and my lips will speak prayers and my heart will beg that you have all of the best that you deserve.
Drowning, aching. Grieving a loss I never had.

You're too close and I can't see anything but your face, taste anything but your scent.

You're too far away and I can't touch you.


24 June 2013

Unfinished Dream

Curled on the couch, casual intimacy that speaks of a thousand other intimacies which in waking life we have never shared. My body pressed to yours, back to chest, an arm warm and heavy around me as something silly plays on the television that I am not really paying attention to.
Slow movements of your hands, skimming along my waist and finding the hem of my loose shirt, sliding up my stomach. Your hands are so large against my body that it scares me sometimes and thrills me at others. A soft moan drawn from my throat by the heat of your skin against mine as your hand makes teasing circles over my rapidly-heating skin. My soft whimper as your fingers find the undersides of my breasts, eliciting a a small writhing motion from me, that presses my ass harder against your groin. Your low, growling response, pulling me harder into you and making me catch my breath hungrily.

Your hands wrapping around my breast, large enough to palm it, teasing my nipple until I shudder against you and make small pleading sounds. I can hear the satisfaction in your voice as tangible as the steadily growing erection against my ass, and when I feel you bend against me, I close my eyes for the scrape of teeth on my neck that I know is coming.

I have completely forgotten about the television until a laugh track startles me, making me jump against you, and your hands tighten in reflexive protectiveness before we both laugh. You're undeterred, however, and it is only seconds later that I feel your teeth sinking into the curve of neck and shoulder and I am gasping, whimpering and writhing against you in unspoken plea.

20 June 2013

In Praise of the Vulnerable Man

This is just made me cry.
This is my husband. This is my Rush. This is my Mate, who is not afraid to cry in my arms.
This is the man I love, whose strength to be vulnerable allows me to give the same to him.
This man who trusts me enough to be vulnerable, is the man in whose arms I can be.


You are the bravest man I’ve ever met 
You unreluctant at treacherous ledge 

You are the sexiest man I’ve ever been with 
You, never hotter than with armor spent 

When you do what you do to provide 
How you land in the soft as you fortify 

This is in praise of the vulnerable man 
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home 

You, with your eyes mix strength with abandon 
You with your new kind of heroism 

And I bow and I bow down to you 
To the grace that it takes to melt on through 

This is in praise of the vulnerable man 
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home 
This is a thank you for letting me in 
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man 

You are the greatest man I’ve ever met 
You the stealth setter of new precedents 

And I vow and I vow to be true 
And I vow and I vow to not take advantage 

This is in praise of the vulnerable man 
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home 
This is a thank you for letting me in 
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man

I love you. I trust you because you trust me.
You are my safety because you understand the courage it takes to bare your soul. 

About Me

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I am just your ordinary average every day sane psycho supergoddess