My Favorite Mistake

I saw you today, saw you for the first time in months.

You called me, hurting, and even curled in someone else's arms I don't know how not to answer you, how not to soothe you. I know my voice is sharp sometimes when you are hurting but it is fear for you that sharpens it, and not anger.

And today, today I saw you again, your shortened hair making your face seem masculine but your smile a thing of beauty. We danced around it for over an hour, you made me food and we sat around on the couch chatting until you finally created the excuse to go upstairs and asked directly, "Do you want to cuddle?"

I was going to say, "No." I knew I should say no.

I knew I shouldn't wrap my arms around you and fill my lungs with your spicy-sweet scent, shouldn't tempt both of us, shouldn't risk hurting either of us.

I opened my mouth to say, "No."

"Yes," I said, instead.

Yes.

ShitfuckGoddesshelpmeIstillwantyoufuckfuckfuckyou'renotmineanymorepleasegivemestrength.

Yes.

My body wrapped around yours, your warm breath against my skin, the bittersweet familiarity of your body pressed against mine, the soft needing kisses to my chest and shoulders, fuck it's hard.

No one else balances me so well, complements me so well, knows my masculinity and expresses their own feminity so perfectly.

No one else offers the same perfect acceptance of my own gender and dynamic fluidity as yours.

I love the boys in my life. All of them, more than they will ever know.

But this, this thing with you, it's different and it clicks into place in my heart and it fits so perfectly that it hurts and my eyes are filling with tears even as I'm kissing you back, my hands moving to you wrists, your too-short hair, your throat, curving around your waist until only the stinging of the tears in my eyes brings me back to myself.

It was a mistake to come see you, but one I couldn't have not made.

But when you go all I know is you're my favorite mistake...

-Sheryl Crow

Shiny

You are so new, so eager, bright-shiny-kitten face and wide wide eyes, and your every touch, your every look, your every request is for more, more and yet more.

Delightfully wanting little slut.

We've chatted this afternoon, through text message, and your wanting is shouted in every message, "hurt me! use me! please...." and oh yes I want to, oh yes I want to hurt you, to take and break you and leave you curled up and bleeding while you look up at me with big scared eyes and soft, soft lips and those lovely little tears leaking down your cheeks.

Weekend Highlights

This weekend, I was privileged to have 3 scenes with 3 absolutely gorgeous boys and 1 demo topping experience with the SouthEast Bootblack 2009. One at the play party for the local FemDom group, and the rest at the TNG play party, Whippersnappers.

I am not sure that I'm up for writing all four scenes, so I will give you a few highlights until (unless?) I write each scene properly.

Friday night, Omega:

Stretched in the tower, I explained to him that, "Everything has a price," and extracted mine for turning the space heater on his deliciously vulnerable body before introducing him to each implement in my toybag. His groans, moans, and whimpers were delicious, particularly the huskiness of his voice as we cuddled together afterwards with his large body wrapped around my small (and much warmer!) one.

Saturday night, Demo:

I knew only that our demo bootblack for the weekend was staying with me, and that we had met briefly at a few conventions. Shortly, however, we'd become fast friends, and she chose my (leather) outfit for the evening: stilettos, leather pants, and a leather overbust corset. I could barely stand in the heels, but it was worthwhile as our lovely demonsstrator's small hands ran slowly (and quite thoroughly) over every inch of my leather clothing, oiling them for me before an audience... after deep-throating my stilettos.

Saturday night, Diablo:

I've rediscovered my fondness for spreader bars, spreading lovely Diablo wide and vulnerable. A simple scarf wrapped around his eyes as I take one of my favorite canes to his pretty little ass and thighs, over and over. His little sounds, the whimpering tone to his voice, are beautiful as I steadily work him up, then bring him down before repeating the process over and over again. His lovely, lithe body wrapped around me afterwards as he asks with nervous features if I'm pleased.

Oh yes, darling. Very.

Saturday night, Shiny

We met at the munch, a week before, and I received an extremely sweet email from him via Fetlife. I hadn't expected to have the time or energy to play again, but I did and was privileged with his first scene at our local club. His frantic blushes as he undressed were a delicious appetizer to adorable little whimpering sounds with every blow of hand or toy and beautiful shivers at every touch of nails or teeth until finally I had to wind down due to both time and a concern for his level of bruising the next day. Hopefully, however, there will be more opportunities...

Domme Chronicles

This. Yes. Ex-fucking-actly.

Date Night with Jack

We have just watched, "Hitman," for the first time, and my blood is simmering with the desire to do naughty things to the dangerous ingénue of the movie.

Jack, however, is here, and warm, and my fingers begin to flex in anticipation of wrapping them around his body.

Soon, we are kissing and my body is wrapped around his until I have pressed him onto his back and my body holds his down. His breathing is quick, my beautiful partner is not normally very submissive, but he enjoys it when I sometimes take charge.

It isn't long before I have stripped his shirt from his skin, exposing the smooth expanse of his chest, and dragged his jeans to his ankles, leaving them there as an impromptu hobble. I love seeing him like this, vulnerable and aroused and so incredibly desirable.

I take my time in teasing him: nibbles to his ears, his neck. Sharp nips to his nipples, his lips, while he gasps, moans, twists beneath me.

My shirt is gone, my bra shortly after, and I drag my breasts over his lightly heaving chest, down the flat planes of his stomach and over the swelling arousal at his groin.

His hips shift upward, a silent plea, but I continue to take my time, lingering with lips and tongue at the juncture of hip and groin while he groans and whimpers a little, rubbing my cheek cat-like against his warm cock.

This is my partner, my lover, and the only person for whom I do this, the only person whose cock I will slowly envelope with my mouth, slowly wrap my lips around and stroke with long, slow laps of my tongue. He is the only one for whom I will press myself to my limit, taking him into my mouth and my throat until my lips touch his groin and my lightly spasming throat strokes the head of his cock.

With others, I will play, I will tease, I will tempt you with what you can't have, but only to Jack will I give all of myself, and I do tonight.

Tonight, I stroke him with lips, teeth, and tongue, pressing his hands into the bed and forcing him still while I suck him, stroke him, tease him to the brink and then back off.

Shortly he is writhing beneath me while I hold him down with my will at least as much as my hands, eventually settling into an slow rhythm that drags him ever so slowly toward the brink until he is shuddering like a fly-stung horse as I slowly, inexorably, drag him over the brink until he spasms inside of me, filling me, and my hands gentle around his wrists while I swallow him inside of me.

Kinky Prom Update

For my local friends:

Kinky Prom has the fun of Frolicon, the energy of Whippersnappers and the indulgence of SELF! Want to go for less? For 48 hrs beginning 12:00 AM on January 13th (that's today, folks!) until 11:59 PM on January 14th save 25% off the price of a Prom ticket! To get your savings now go to the Ticket link on the page to use this code C710CBac7 to purchase your Kinky Prom tickets for 25% less. This is a charity FUNd raising event. All funds raised will be split evenly between SouthEast LeatherFest's two 2010 charities.

Hurry! You only have 48 hours to take advantage of the code. It starts tomorrow night at midnight. We can’t WAIT to see you at Kinky Prom on February 6th at 8pm in Atlanta GA!

The First Law is not to obey

Have you ever read the Anne Bishop, "The Realms of the Blood" books?

If you're a dominant woman, or a submissive man, then I suggest that you do.

You see, maybe you're different from me, dear reader. But that's what I want.

I want a submissive who understands what this passage means:

"The first law is not to obey. The first law is to honor, cherish, and protect. The second law is to serve, and the third law is to obey."
"What if the third interferes with the first two?"
"Then you throw it out the window"
-Lucivar to Daemon, "Queen of the Darkness," by Anne Bishop

I want a submissive who understands that sometimes service means saying, "I respectfully refuse to let you push yourself too hard/make yourself sick/do something stupid."

There's a wonderful line in one of the "Realms of the Blood," books, which I will paraphrase rather than looking up:

"The Queens protect us. That's why sometimes we have to protect them- especially from themselves."

What I want- and what I need- is someone who can understand what that line means.

Wool socks HNT

Actaeon introduced me to the wonder of wool socks, and these are easily my favorite pair... I need more!

Panty Boy

You called yourself a panty-boy in one of our first emails, one of the first times we flirted and exchanged naughty thoughts.

The idea titillated me- your wide shoulders, height, and overall presence is so hegemonically masculine that delicate womens' panties on you seemed delightfully incongruous.

And yet... when I first saw them on you, white with pink accents as rope was wrapped around your body and you began to fly, they seemed right, natural.

It makes me smile now, as we chat, thinking of you in the pretty panties you just showed me, and want to take you shopping.

I want to walk with you through the lingerie sections of those expensive stores while the saleswomen sniff and look down their noses at everyone, running my fingers over the various scraps of satin, silk, and lace. I want you to follow on my heels like a good boy, for all the world like a heteronormative boyfriend being dragged on a shopping trip by his petite little girlfriend. I want to hold up the scraps of silk and lace, the cute little thongs, the brightly colored boy shorts, the soft bikinis up to you, asking your opinion while you blush and smile.

Then I want to choose the pairs we both like, in sizes clearly too large for my tiny frame, and watch you blush as the saleswoman stammers and opens a dressing room with hands that shake with either jealousy or fury.

The stuff you don't care about but I'm gonna post anyway :-p

Most of you lovely readers don't know me in the real world, and only visit when I've something new and naughty to say, but you're going to get a dose of my real life anyway, because it's my blog and I can whine if I want to!

This past week has been... hard. After the lovely NYE party hosted by some of my favorite people, I spent Saturday getting a few things done, and ended up treating myself to Chinese.

Bad idea.

Perhaps the fact that it was dead on a Saturday evening should have told me something, but alas and alack, dear readers, your writer is a bit dense.

Then the poor service should have been a tip-off, but by this time I was hungry, and ordered anyway.

Truly, a mistake of epic proportions.

Now, it would have been bad enough had it been good Chinese food, but to get severe food poisoning and a bacterial infection from bad Chinese is just insult on top of injury!

So, my dears, I have been out of commission for 4 days now, the first 3 of which were spent- ahem- purging my digestive system, and the last 1-2 of which I have spent on a careful BRAT diet (Bananas Rice Applesauce & Toast) to rebuild my abused digestive system.

That said, I must commend my amazing doctor: he saw me Monday morning within 30 minutes of my initial phone call, immediately prescribed me antibiotics and an anti-emetic with a detailed explanation of each one (and a warning about the price on the antibiotic), and gave me a hug as we left. I adore my doctor!

So now, dear readers, your favorite blogger is still laid up in bed at her partner's orders and is reading porn rather than creating it. Le sigh. Ah well, soon enough, my friends :)

Fucking you

I'm going to fuck you, boy.

I'm going to take you and open you with spreaders, force those beautiful legs wide and open for me, and press your face into the floor. I'm going to bind your wrists behind your back- your hands so much larger than my small ones, they envelope mine when free but they will not be.

Perhaps I will attach your collar to your cock and balls, let your every whimpery, jerky movement stretch you, strain you, until you cannot decide if you want me to keep going or to stop....

Perhaps I will leave your head free, force you to look over your shoulder at me as I fuck you....

Yes, I like this. I want you to look at me as I lean over you- I am so small in comparison to you, and yet here you are, bound and helpless as my small fingers open you, probe your puckered little ass while you sigh and whimper before me, eyes wide and nervous as you strain to watch me over your shoulder.

I love the nervousness as much as the arousal, the fear as much as the need, and despite the tenderness of my fingers as work their way slowly into you, my eyes hold a delighted violence.

Your small gasp is music, the way that your body clamps down on me, holds me, draws me, the warmth of your lovely little ass as it wraps around my fingers.

I know this game, this ritual, staying still until you adjust, working you with my fingers until you are ready for more, until I am able to rear over you, spread you wide with my fingers and slowly press myself into you.

You are so beautiful like this! Spread wide and slutty, moaning a little and pressing back into me, the length of my cock disappearing into you slowly while you watch me with glazed blue eyes and parted lips.

It takes an act of tremendous self-will not to fall on you like a ravening beast, fucking you from the outset with all of the desire pent up in my body, but I force myself to hold the line, to work myself into you slowly, to avoid damaging you this time, this first time, until your heated body is ready for me and I am moving freely inside you while you moan beneath me, your hips seeking mine with every thrust which gradually increases in pressure and speed.

I love this, love the way that you need what I give to you as much as I need to give it, love the way that you move for me, whimper for me, give your body to me.

I love this, love fucking you, love the movement of my hips and the angle of your body, love the way your lips half-part as you gasp and fuck your way backwards onto me.

This...... this is what I want from you, this surrender, this opening and giving, until finally my body is tightening and I am moving in you faster, harder, while you grunt and groan beneath me and my hands are wrapped around your hips and my voice is hoarse in your ear, "More, boy, take more for me," and you are trying to answer me, trying to form words but I know this place in you and it is beyond words so I hold you there, beyond words, for as long as I can before we both come down slowly, quietly, wrapped around and within one another with my lips to your ear, tender: "Good boy".

Vignettes from NYE

• Watching a beautiful man rig gorgeous, mostly-naked women until they spin like multi-hued tops of red and gold hair and creamy skin while

• Snuggling on the couch in the lap of a lovely man who is playing with my mostly exposed breasts as a beautiful woman wraps herself around me and moans at the sensation of my fist clenched in her, long, silky hair.

• The sweating face of the same beautiful man, pressed into my thighs as he is paddled over and over by a group of women, tears springing to his lovely eyes as he presses his face into my bare skin, sucking in air noisily through parted lips.

• Warm hands running along my legs beneath the sarong, fingertips brushing my thighs and wrapping around my calves, cupping my buttocks and running warm palms along my skin.

• Much, much later, as the sun begins to creep along the horizon, the beautiful man and I curl exhaustedly into bed. I am expecting a little snuggling, a little groping, then an exhausted slumber, but I have underestimated my companion's stamina and soon we are kissing, groping and wrapped around one another. My hand is in his hair, on his throat and his hands are on my breasts, around my waist and opening my legs. His cock is pressed against me, thick and hard and throbbing and I crave the taste of it, the warmth of his lips against my wet cunt but I know that those things are not for me tonight. Instead I whisper in his ear, telling him what a little whore he is for me- that it isn't his cock in my cunt that he wants, but my fist in his ass. He is panting and whimpering in my ear, begging for the taste of my arousal on his lips until I take my liberally soaked fingers and paint them across his parted lips, rubbing my heated body against his.

• Later that morning, as the sun peeks through the windows like a voyeuristic eye, I wake snuggled between my pretty man and a beautiful woman whose name I don't even know. I don't remember how it happened to be honest, I don't remember the flirting, the giggling, the making out as I was still in an exhausted, sensitized haze. What I remember is the touch of her fingers on my skin, the stroke of her lips against my heated cunt, the taste of her lips against mine, painted with cum. What I remember are her hands, cocoa against the cream of my thighs and the smug grin on her face as I writhed beneath her expert touch. What I remember is the sight of her straddling my chest, the taste of her nipples and the texture of her cunt as I stroked her to orgasm for the 3rd or 4th time.

The hugs goodbye later, the gratuitous groping, and nap snuggled between two extremely attractive men....

It was a lovely, lovely New Years Eve and New Years Day