If one needs a connection to be an effective top or bottom, then i suspect
that these persons aren't PURE sadists and masochists. It seems so vanilla
needing a connection before play can begin if the connection is activated during
play and in aftercare. Food for thought here.
My email to him:
I find this good food for thought.
I will freely admit that I am not purely anything. I am a dominant, and a sadist, and a bit of a masochist, and a bit of a submissive. Mostly, I am a dominant sadist. I like to hurt people- I like it a lot. But I don't like it if they're not enjoying it, if they're not making those little sounds that tell me that this is as much fun for them as it is for me. Perhaps that's the dominant in me more than the sadist- to me their pain, their response, is the yin to my yang, and if the yin is not truly there then the balance can't be completed.
As for connection- and I am one who prefers a certain amount of connection before beginning a scene- I believe that there need to be at least the seeds of connection before the scene begins because that connection is how I read my bottoms. That few moments of building the connection first give me a good idea for the bottom's responses, how they react, and it tells me what to look for while we are playing. Do they give most of their signals with their body, rather than their voice? Then I won't bother asking many questions but simply keep a close eye on their body language. Plus, there is the simple fact that scenes of any kind are intimate. Hurting someone deeply is an incredibly intimate act (there is an episode of the excellent TV show Firefly called "War Stories" that explores this), and I don't get intimate with stangers. Create that connection, and you are no longer a stranger.
Food for thought?
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