31 October 2008


Today is Samhain.
Today is the day when from the moment I wake to the moment I drug myself to sleep, the faces of those I have lost whisper behind my eyes.

My mother, with her drunken good-night kisses and bitter naivete.
My Mema, with her ever-open arms and deep-rooted faith in a vengeful, loving God.
My Nana, with her soft heart and steel spine.

Vainkitten, with her her darkness and her naivete.
Ranger, who shared my life and my home without judgement.

My brother, who I believed loved me.

Oh, there are others. There are so many others. Joseph, who sang to me, "Sober," trying to warn me about his own untrustworthiness. Wolf, my once-consort, who still is in my life but not in the way that either of us would like. Jewel, who loved me with a deep and abiding love, and whose heart and loyalty I broke. Sunny, who never once stopped challenging me.
Some of them I don't even allow myself to think about anymore, and I probably won't remember until tomorrow morning.

There are more- there are always more. But those are the ones whose names aren't merely written on my heart today, but carved into it.

Tonight, while everyone else is at the party, I will lay the table for the Dumb Feast, and I will eat my dinner surrounded by my ghosts. I will close my eyes and see them in front of my face, and I will speak to them. I will tell my ghosts that they are not forgotten, that they are still written in my soul, and that their memories are still cherished.

Happy Samhain, my friends.

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