Some part of me still believes in happily ever after.
The little girl in the back of my head, the one who remembers watching "Sleeping Beauty" over 500 times in one year.
And no, I'm not exaggerating.
She believes in Prince Charming, and forever.
The rest of me knows that Prince Charming is really a drunk frat boy, and forever is a myth.
But there is still a part of me that believes the myth, believes the sugar-coated cyanide lie, and still lookf for it.
Every new relationship, I go through a period where some part of me thinks that maybe this will be my fairy-tale ending. Maybe this time will be happily ever after. It never is. It never will be.
Even if it could be, I'm not cut out to be a pretty domestic princess in a fairy-tale castle.
But some part of me wants to be, and it's a fresh wound, every time that I realize it won't happen.
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Do you want to be the domestic princess because that actually appeals to you, or because the people in the movies who were domestic princesses looked happy?
ReplyDelete@Speaker: That's a good point, and I thinkt hat the answer is a little of both.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that I want to be the domestic princess (although I do love to cook and feed people), it's that was the Disney model of happiness for girls that I, like so many of my generation, grew up with.
I can understand that. I'd be lying if I said I never wanted to be the prince charming - it's just... that's a difficult goal when you're a geek with "extra-padding."
ReplyDeleteWell, that and it just didn't fit "Me." So I ended up redefining or amending "happiness" and the "fairy tale ending" a hundred times since then.
Including once in the last two weeks.
Not something that's easily "just done." But I ended up being more flexible than the ideal I latched onto.
@Speaker: I can understand that. I think we're all taught that we're supposed to be either the Princess or Prince Charming, but it's not something that can work for most people. The image of it is so one-dimensional that real humans can't live it.
ReplyDeleteI've mostly redefined my idea of happiness, which is why realizing that some part of me still believed in and wanted that was startling.
I mean, I'm a bi, poly switch... somehow I don't think the 'traditional' ideal of domestic bliss is in the cards for me. I'm much more likely to end up with a small harem of subs and a a top I occasionally play with in one big house :)
"I'm much more likely to end up with a small harem of subs and a a top I occasionally play with in one big house :)"
ReplyDeleteNow THAT sounds like happiness. :)