12 November 2008

Tipping Point

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed today, and just trying to keep my head above water.
I'm surprisingly calm about this, though. I think I may have just hit that tipping point where everything becomes distant and just doesn't feel like a big deal.
That usually presages a big breakdown for me, but hopefully I can hold out long enough to take care of my responsibilities.

I finally was able to articulate this morning the nagging sense of discontent I've been feeling. I'm not discontent or angry with my responsibilities; in fact, I cherish them because they let me know that I'm needed, wanted. Sure, it's a little twisted, but I never pretended not to be. What makes me feel so discontent and vaguely resentful toward the world is that I feel like I'm not getting enough support. That's my own fault, I freely admit. The person I lean on for support has been totally willing (despite his own massive burden of stress), but I haven't been feeling able to take him up on it.
I'm not sure why. Maybe a fear that if I stop being the strong one for even a few minutes, then I won't start up again? I should know better by now. A fear of adding to his burden? Maybe.
Whatever it is, I don't know.
But I do know that Kinky Boots should be coming in our NetFlix today, and that curling up with Jack and watching it tonight sounds like the absolute best thing ever.

Until then, someone wrap your arms around me and make me feel safe?

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I am just your ordinary average every day sane psycho supergoddess