03 February 2009


Kat and I said goodbye tonight. 
Actually, it was close to zhai'helleva than goodbye. 'Goodbye,' is a shorter version of "God be with ye," and in our culture it indicates an ending. A leaving. 
Zhai'helleva, however, is a phrase from Mercedes Lackey (shut up, I'm a fantasy buff. Deal) which means, "Wind to thy wings." It acknowledges the parting, but focuses not on the leave-taking, but on the hope of good fortune for your companion. 
It means that the parting is irrelevant, only the people and the emotions matter. 

Kat was my first submissive, and I cannot tell you how much that he taught me. He gave me a confidence in my own dominance that I could not have started this blog you're reading, or many of my other myriad projects, without. 
In many ways, he taught me my own dominance. It was his deferential smile and hopeful offer of a footrub which propelled me into the world of public kink and true polyamory. He taught me what I can handle as a dominant (not just a Top), and what I can't. He taught me so much, and I will always be grateful to him.

But I do not have room in my life right now for that responsiblity, and he deserves better than that. Also, he is developing a budding relationship with a lovely woman, and his loyalty and interest is rightly situated there. 
So tonight we sat down, and we agreed that it was time to part ways, and that we had been huge, wonderful influences in one another's lives. 

Zhai'helleva, my katzelein.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Purrr...

    Thank you so very much. My life was graced with your presence at time of self-doubt, and it turned me around. You taught so much about my worth as submissive and that, yes, women do find me attractive after all. :)

    It was your teaching that give me the realization I needed to ask out this beautiful woman who came back into my life. I'm glad that were parting on such good terms. It feels as though our freindship will last through enternity... a treasure beyond all measure.

    Zhai'helleva, Ma'am. Zhai'helleva

  3. *hugs* That had to be hard for you, to let go like that. It sounds like it was best for both of you, but being able to realize that is usually a really difficult thing to do.


  4. @lalana: Actually, leavetakings are something of a specialty of mine, as strange as it sounds for someone as unable to let go as me.
    I've left a lot of people, walked away from a lot of things. It gets easier, with practice. The heartbreak is never less (except in cases like this, when the relationship has run its course and you both have good places to move on to), but the ability to stand straight under it, and know that the pain will lessen in time, does get better.


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