03 March 2009


I'm feeling tired and lonely tonight. 
I haven't managed to talk to Lucivar today at all... and while I spent the day with Jack, he's currently glued to the hocky game. 

I know that this loneliness isn't real- that there are many, many people out there who love me and would walk through fire just to bring a smile to my face. 
Truly, I am blessed with an abundance of wonderful people in my life. I never doubt that.

But I'm depressed, and that makes me feel very alone. 
(Ironic, isn't it, when one in 20 Americans will be diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives... and that's only those who go in and get diagonosed!)

I have... a lot on my plate. 
I know, I know... so what else is new? Since you started reading this blog, have I ever not had a lot on my plate?
I'm not handling it very well, and I know that. I'm taking steps, though. I start physical therapy tomorrow, and have an appointment with a new GP on Thursday (the one today was kind of an ass).

Meanwhile, I'm left longing....
longing for your firm, tender hands on my skin, longing to feel your body wrapped around mine, protecting it. Longing to hear the whisper of your voice as you tell me that I'm safe, that just for a little while there's nothing to worry about. Longing, just for a few minutes, to put all of the burdens down and trust you to take care of things. Longing to feel your breath on my face as you lean in to kiss me, to savor the taste of you on my skin. Longing to sink into the blissful state of trust that I find so rarely, but so securely in your arms.  

ETA: Talking about wedding stuff with Jack (no, neither of us has proposed, we've just been talking about it today for some wonderful, fun reason) and then getting a sleepy phone call from Lucivar to let me know he missed me today makes everything SOSOSOSOSO much better :-D I'm so loved, and so blessed by the amazing people in my life. I love you!!!) 

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I am just your ordinary average every day sane psycho supergoddess