Don't give up

Don't give up on me, guys. I'll write more eventually. 

Right now, my plate is even more full than usual and I'm doing a remarkably good impression of Atlas. 

Wish me luck, my friends. 

Necklace/stomach HNT

Yep, you read/saw that right :) 

This is the last of the chainmaille HNTs, so I did it against my stomach to better show off the pretty weave.

Rainbow choker HNT

I love Mouse's rainbow stuff. Maybe it's because I indentify so strongly with the gay community, I don't know. Either way, I adore her rainbow stuff, especially this one.

Teeth

'Do you want the blood spatter powerpoint?' he asked.

My eyes went wide, and I started licking my lips. 

He laughed. 

I like USB- UberSadisticBastard2.0. He's a sick fuck, and we get along beautifully. 

'Then I want two things,' he told me. 

I nodded, warily. He scares me a little, so I wasnt about to jump into that particular snake pit. 

'Throw me another of those chocolates, and bite me.' He said it casually, but I was instantly salivating. He's yummy, too, by the way. 

My forebrain intruded briefly, and I gave him an, 'are you sure?' look as I tossed him another chocolate. 

We're sitting in my kitchen. He and Jack are a little drunk, and they've just watched the hockey game, high on their masculinity trips for the evening as we all swap stories of hurting people. We sit in the points of a triangle, Jack and I on the counters on each side of the stove, framed by blond wood, and USB leaning next to the sink, the sage-green wall and darkened window giving his face an evil cast. 

He just grins. 

Instantly, my mind is made up. He's a big boy. He can make his own mistakes. 

I cross the room, almost a stalk. I know the bloodlust is clear in my eyes, and I love this man I barely know for simply grinning in the face of it. 

Even my darling Lucivar cringes when the color of my eyes is the color of this particular insanity, but USB merely smiles. 

Right this moment, I love this man. 

He lifts his arm to me, and my eyes lock onto it. I no longer know him as person, as friend, as shoe-whore and hockey fan. He is meat, and he's lifted a piece of the meat closer to me. 

Again, my forebrain intrudes, reminding me that he will likely wear short sleeves sometime in the next month, guiding me to his upper arm, where the shirtsleeve will hide any mark. 

I can smell him. 

Right this moment, this man smells divine. 

I have no idea where the attraction ends and the bloodlust begins. 

I doubt it matters. 

I almost don't realize it when my mouth touches his flesh, so wrapped up in the scent of his skin am I, but the shock of taste is 10x stronger. 

His skin is salty-sweet, a little like blood already. I spare a moment to wonder if he's sweating in my cool house before my teeth close on his flesh. 

This moment. This moment is divine to me. I love the taste of flesh in my mouth, the resistance of my teeth sinking into flesh. 

There is cannibalism in my lineage somewhere, I know it. Because right this moment, I want nothing more that to shake my head savagely, rip a piece of him away, and swallow it. I want the taste of blood and flesh, coppersweet in my mouth. 

But I restrain myself... slowly... carefully.... and I bite down. 

There is nothing I can compare it to. There is nothing with the texture of flesh except flesh. Nothing with the taste of flesh but flesh. 

The resistance of it, sweetly stubborn, and my teeth are sinking, sinking, and my hands are cradling his arm almost tenderly and I can taste his pain. It's changing the flavor of skin, giving it a sharper taste like adrenaline, and I can hear him cursing, "Fuck! Fuck that fucking hurts! Fuck!" and I am moaning my joy and arousal and the taste of his flesh as my teeth continue to close on his body. 

I realize suddenly, just as he taps me, "enough!" that I have sunk nearly to my knees, dragging his body with me as I bite into it. 

Dragon scale necklace HNT

This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen! It looks like dragon scales!

(The store)

(This one isn't listed yet, but you can email her if you like it. Gypsy is thinking about getting a belly dancing outfit made mostly in this... I will SO be borrowing it to post if she does!)

Hands

He is stretched beneath me, making small pleading noises behind the black leather mask. It covers his eyes and nose, but I've left the gag out for this first playdate. I want to ensure he's able to call safe, and I'm just on the edge enough to consider pushing him into doing so. 

He is plugged, and his body is quite lovely beneath me as I straddle him. I can feel the buzzing of the plug through his thighs and against my own skin as he whimpers and squirms. It's cute, and I tell him so. My voice is sticky-sweet, as I inquire after his well-being. 

He grits his teeth, but responds properly, "I'm fine, Miss."

"Oh, good," I coo, and begin. 

He doesn't like sharp pain, he told me. Most toys are a sharper pain than he likes, and he doesn't like toys in general. I listened, nodding, smiling inside as he tries to tie my hands and prevent me from hurting him as I want to.

Poor, deluded boy. He's obviously never played with someone who has struggled through months of physical therapy, or trained in massage. 

I tell him that I'm going to do him a favor, going to release some trigger points. I do my physical therapist's favorite trick of skin rolling... rolling his skin beneath my fingers and looking for redness which indicates a trigger point. 

And when I find them, I dig my fingers beneath them and press until I feel them release. It's almost like finding a ridge in the sheet of muscle, and ironing it out with your fingers.

It hurts like a sonuvabitch.

My physical therapist is nicer about it, but I don't feel like being nice tonight. I find easily a dozen, digging in while his face contorts in agony beneath the mask. It's beautiful, and I'm dripping above him.

I show him my favorite trick of Lucivar's, pressing my knuckles into his breastbone and twisting back and forth. His head snaps back and forth in agony, wanting to fight my hands but unable to. I know this pain, have felt it myself from Lucivar's hands. It feels like bruising the very bone, and it is. I lean down, whisper to the boy that isn't he lucky I'm creative enough to play without the toys he dislikes? He grunts, and I giggle. 

I whisper to him that this won't leave a single mark, but that he'll feel it for days. I tap his sore chest, hard, one last time and tell him that it will be something to remember me by.

Curled

We are curled together, on his couch. His body still curves around me as perfectly as it did so long ago, and his skin is the same combination of oil, soap, and male that I have found irresistible since the day we met.

His fingers are gentle in my hair, brushing through it as we chat about inconsequential things. The conversation is irrelevant- it is this, this touching, this sharing, that we are here for. 

No one knows him as inside-out as I do, and yet loves him anyway. No one else touches him with the same knowledge of who he is, flaws and strengths and fears and passions. I know this, not because he has told me, but because he hasn't. 

And so I stroke the line of his jaw, and I let him touch me.

He does not know me, not as once he did. Nor is it me that he still loves: it is the memory of a 17 year old ingenue. But for the sake of that ingenue and her love for him, I accept that, accept the memory of his hands hot on my body and his lips tender on my skin.

My own heart belongs to another now, but his body still fits to mine, and his arms still give me the safety that I crave, if only briefly, terribly briefly.

Drape necklace HNT

Another pretty piece of Mouse's :)

This is so cool! It's little silver aluminum rings, and the black ones are rubber, making the whole necklace just stretchy enough to be comfortable. Get a better look here

Beltaine

Today is Beltaine, my favorite holiday. I will spend the morning fulfilling my obligations, and then this afternoon and tonight will be for me. I will read, and I will sunbathe, and I might just take a long, hot bath. I don't know yet. 

It will be the first Beltaine that I've spent without my lover around in 5 years. 

I will fill my altar with flowers, and I will touch my own body as my lover would if he were here.